November 4, 2008

November 4, 2008

Yesterday evening during Spiritual Theology at Emma House, we were asked to react to several statements. We were asked how certain statements made us feel, or how we felt about them. As I was thinking on these statements (which were largely theological in nature), I began to see a pattern emerging. As I tried to pull up or identify a feeling, an emotion to link with the statement at hand, I was finding that there was none there. What was there was a compulsion to think about and apply logic to these statements in order that I might draw them out to a fuller picture of what these statements implied. I've always been this way, looking back at how I react when confronted with a new idea. I tend to, rather than react to it initially, think about it, process it, draw some practical conclusion and applications, and then after I've been able to wrap my mind around it (at least a little bit) I react with an emotion (comfort, anger, anxiety, fear, joy, gratitude, etc).

It may be that, my perceived lack of emotion is not that at all, but rather a lack of perspective. Perhaps I look for my own emotions in the wrong place. Instead of searching for an emotion in the innitial reaction, I need to search myself for the emotions that my ponderings, musings, and analyses have produced. Perhaps my emotions are not in my initial reactions, but rather tied to my understandings.