November 13, 2008

November 13, 2008

Ever since the Geography of the Soul retreat at the Stone Barn, I've been thinking over and over again through what I experienced. What I felt there was something I've never felt before. It was close, intimate fellowship free from any anxiety of any kind. I felt safe to let myself go and to expose and verbally process the deepest parts of me. I felt loved. I've been thinking over that for several reasons. One is because I want more of it. It's been my experience that when I experience something I like (or love), I think about all the time to sort of relive it in my mind, to keep the memory fresh and therefore alway have that sensation with me all the time. Also, I've been analyzing it, the weekend, trying to figure out what exactly it was that made me feel safe, loved, and at peace in order that I can seek out those things to experience it again (which may or may not be a healthy thing to do). One of the things I learned while I was there is that there are some needs and desires that I have that I cannot meet myself but am reliant on others to provide. This may be one of them and to seek it out and attempt to assemble the requisite components for such an experience may not be a good way to experience it. The third reason I've been thinking on it is to, again, analyze it, but rather than reproduce it for my own benefit, I desire to create a similar atmosphere for others around me. I want to provide that kind of warm, anxiety free feeling in others, so others can experience what I so fondly remember. I can see now why Jesus was such a popular guy. If this... aura surrounded him, if the people around him came into this kind of community with Him and his disciples, it would have been an experience to be coveted.