September 29, 2008

September 29, 2008

Last night as I was sitting in the evening service at Real Life Church, I was trying to identify what it was inside me that was making me feel. I couldn't quite put a finger on it. I don't know if i was gratitude, joy, sorrow, I don't know. But what I do know is that I was feeling it. So that brought me to the question, can I give myself permission to feel, even though I don't really know what I'm feeling?

The answer that I've come up with is yes. Yes, it is okay to feel even I don't what I'm feeling. Something that I'm looking for in this exploration of my innards is to come out on the other side a man who is aware and in touch with his own emotions and able to experience them all in there full richness as I was created to. But if I constantly push them back because I don't know what they are, I will experience nothing, and I won't learn. I won't learn to identify this as joy and not sorrow, or this as frustration, not anger, or this as brotherly love, and not romantic love.

If I don't give myself permission to feel, than I cannot even begin to unravel the mysterious knot that is my own heart.