September 1st, 2008

September 1st, 2008

After reading the first couple chapters in Dr. Larry Crabb's book Finding God, I've discovered that I am not walking with God. My main preoccupation in my life right now, I've discovered, is me.

I can see in my spiritual life right now the selfish motives behind my spirituality. I seek after God because I want him to give me comfort. But that's not where God wants to meet me (according to Crabb). God has his will and his plan for his creation, and I can join him, or I can seek my own will, my own plan for my own life.

To yearn for comfort is not a bad thing, but to seek it apart from God's will is. Even if we seek comfort from God outside of God's will, it may be bad. When we petition God to act or provide to the end of making us happy, or appeasing our desires, we have put ourselves above God. In essence, we are saying, "I am very important, so you (God) need to do this, or do that, in order that I may be comforted."

I only vaguely see this in myself. Yet because of the life I lead, in all aspects of my life I can see that this mentality is very present in large ways. My eyes have been partially opened to the possibility that my motives in regard to God are so deeply corrupted that, even my turning to God in surrender is an attempt to gain something for myself.

With this knowledge, is any thing I pray, think, or ask God for pure? Am I even capable of coming to God with pure motives? Will I always have the ulterior motive of pleasing myself?

God, take my mind off of me and make it fully yours. Break me of my self-addiction and allow me to see my life wholly in terms of you and your will.